Confusingly Simple

A Guide to my Displeasure

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If we can learn one thing from Robin Williams, its that even the funniest and most popular of us can still feel trapped in ourselves.

Friends; I normally keep my posts funny. However, sometimes you need to share things and I hope my sharing this it helps someone out there who is feeling alone and lost. 

With the untimely and devastating news of Robin Williams death, I have seen some fantastic tributes to him and his life’s work. His films and characters have brought laughter and joy to millions of people across the globe. From Mrs Doubtfire to Disney he played so many memorable characters it would be impossible to list them all.  He will be greatly missed. - Gone but never forgotten.

I also feel it is important to mention the attention he has brought to the issue of  mental illness. There have been some fantastic posts on Facebook and other social media sites spreading the word on how Depression is a real illness and can be dangerous. And even the most loved and liked of us can feel totally alone and unable to cope. You feel trapped in your own thoughts and situation and cannot see a better time or a way out of it.

So, I thought it would be helpful to share my thoughts, insights and experiences with Depression.

Many of you will know that I have and do suffer with depression and anxiety. It flares up and vanishes without warning. It will be something that I have to deal with my whole life and some days that in itself is enough to get you down.

Mine came from many different feels and situations in my life that I had no control over. I had failed my GCSE’s after suffering terribly through my parents divorce, I was confused and unsure of who I was having recently come out as Gay, I hated my job, I had no direction in life, no prospects, I was poor, I felt alone - This list goes on and on and on… 

I tried to fill the dark void in me with so many different things; Drink, Drugs; Sex; food… The long and short of it is, none of them work. For me the only way to plug that darkness inside me was to face it head on and not allow it to consume me. Having amazing friends and family always helps and as much as it is repeated; so does talking.

Six years ago I attempted to end my life with a large overdose of medication I was on and anything else I could get my hands on all mixed up with a bottle of wine and some vodka. I remember the decision was made a good few hours before I started to take the pills. There was no remorse, no worry and the heavy weight of day to day life was suddenly lifted from my shoulders. I knew this was it, in my heart, every part of me knew I was going to do it.

The end result was me leaving the house as I didn’t want to be found in my room. I only vaguely remember being outside and then being in an ambulance, then a hospital room with my mum looking down on me. - For the best part of 48 hours I was in hospital recovering from what I had tried to do to myself.

So all I can say is; It Gets Better. No matter what reasons you are feeling depressed or why you feel trapped and lost. You can get through it. If I can, then anyone can. 

It is my hope that by sharing this that it may help someone who is feeling lost and confused and to let you know that the majority of people will have felt like you do once in their lives. Stay strong and remember that there are always people to talk to. No matter how lost you are and how alone you feel there is ALWAYS a way out. You might need help to find it, but it’s there. Talk to someone, tell someone how you feel as ending your life is never the answer. You would only be depriving the world of another bright light. 


Filed under robin williams depression lifestory gay it gets better share

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Cyberman Gay Club

Filed under doctor who gay gay club cybermen cyberman music ymca saturday saturdaynight nightlife

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Cyberman Saturday Night

Filed under doctor who cyberman cybermen music nightlife geeky nerdy saturdaynight

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It has been nearly 7 years since I first heard this track after completing a game that changed my view of RPG’s forever. As well as being the start of one hell of a storyarch.
Still love it!

(Source: Spotify)

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Reminds me of this Fugly girl I saw on a night out screaming to her friend that she needed to take a selfie.
No you are a dog. No one wants to see that. #Nofilter more like #nothanks love.

(Source: Spotify)

Filed under music spotify